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Cricket’s Commandments

 

Cricket has something to say.

Cricket has something to say.

Cricket has a long list of rules for how we must behave in her house.

  • I am the big dog and no other dog shall come before me.
  • Thou shalt not wash my poopy butt.

    "Never."

    “Not ever.”

  • Stealing my eye goop is a killable offense.
  • Thou shalt not read a book when I want scratchies.
  • Thou shalt not douse my neck with Frontline.
  • Butterfly shall never have more treats than me.

    "No?"

    “Never?”

  • Butterfly shall not sit on the couch, or on a lap, unless she is getting her blood tested, which leads to treats for me.
  • If Butterfly gets scratchies or treats, I must get more scratchies and more treats.
  • Butterfly can never leave the house without me, because she might get treats I do not get.
  • No one shall walk up and down the stairs in my building, or open and close doors, or God forbid, bring the mail!

But Cricket has just as many rules for her own behavior as for ours.

  • If there is a leaf, I must catch it.

    "Mine!"

    “Mine!”

  • If there is a squirrel, I must chase it.
  • If there is a weed, I must grab it with my teeth and tear it from the ground.

    "Grr argh."

    “Grr argh.”

  • At bed time, I must crawl under Mommy’s bed and leave a paw out to be noticed.

    "You can't see me, can you?"

    “You can’t see me, can you?”

  • When Butterfly gets her blood tested, I must stand in the corner, between the two couches, and stare across the room at the bag of chicken treats.
  • If at all possible, I must poop in the planting boxes.
  • After a bath, I must run like a crazy dog and dry my butt on Mommy’s bed.
  • When I am angry, I must pick up a tug toy and taunt Mommy with it.

    "You can't have it!"

    “You can’t have it!”

  • When I am grumpy, I must hide under the couch.
  • When I am lonely, I must climb on a person for warmth, and ignore any protests.
  • If no one wakes up at two AM to take me outside, I am free to poop on Grandma’s green quilting mat in the living room, or under the dining room table.

Cricket’s number one rule, though, is: Cricket must never be left alone. She insists on this and treats us like criminals when we dare to leave her behind in the apartment. She’s not destructive. She never chews a pair of shoes or destroys a box of toys while we’re gone, she just mopes. She gives very impressive grumpy face. It’s like when a parent doesn’t punish a child for bad behavior but just looks at them and says, “I am very disappointed in you.”

"I am very disappointed in you."

“I am very disappointed in you.”

Cricket has quite a few more rules in mind, but has had a harder time insisting on them. No one listens, for example, when she says that she should get a whole roasted chicken for breakfast, or a chocolate bar for dessert. And she has yet to convince either of her people to let her go out and play in traffic. Harrumph.

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About rachelmankowitz

I am a fiction writer, a writing coach, and an obsessive chronicler of my dogs' lives.

128 responses »

  1. Pippa Pirrip

    Bexley also believes she should never be left alone, ever. And she does post-bath victory laps! Dogs are the absolute best.

    Reply
  2. Must be hard to live with all of those rules and regulations..lol!

    Reply
  3. I love “The Adventures of Butterfly and Cricket”. Keep them coming!! 😀

    Reply
  4. Oh yeah, I hear you….we made the mistake of roman blinds in our front living room window which overlooks the porch.They are always in a state of disrepair due to nosy pups looking out for us and then the windowsill is all scratched up from their claws….Zush, in her old age, has become Moocher extraordinaire so she would probably answer you as ” Yeah, what Cricket says, goes.”…lol…Kids…gotta love ’em!

    Reply
  5. Rachel, I love the paw sticking out from under the bed. Bilbo often does that ..a white paw on light-grey tiles sticking out in the walkway though so he can trip someone over. I’m amazed we haven’t had any human over canine catastrophes around the house. xx Rowena

    Reply
  6. SASS-A-FR-ASS

    This was so cute yet I laughed the entire time having a wee Diva whom does similar thing’s.
    I LOVED this post and thank you for the smiles and laughs. 🙂

    Reply
  7. I left a comment on 5/3 – what happened to it? Is this another one of my many cyber mysteries? I thanked you for liking my blog posts and told you that I like your “voice” and I’m now following you.

    Reply
  8. Hahahaha! Love the paw sticking out from under the bed.

    Reply
  9. Thank you for liking my post Tips and Hints to keep your dog in prime condition X

    Reply
  10. Great post. Made me laugh and reminds me of my pooches who also think they rule the roost. They sure do each have very unique personalities!!!! I say, they aren’t spoiled, they are good doggies, they are simply overly loved!!! 🙂

    Reply
  11. What a beautiful smile!!

    Reply
  12. BOL! I’m taking lessons from Cricket…

    Reply
  13. so many rules… way to complicated 😊 i am allowed nearly everything – no just kidding…thanks for reading.

    Reply
  14. This is so cute!! I was cracking up, just as the pooches I’m currently sitting for hawk-eye me on the computer. “Hey, ain’t nothin like the real thing baby!!”

    Reply
  15. Aww this is quite cute ^^

    Reply

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