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The Olympics, or Synchronized Peeing

The first Olympics I really remember was in 1988, with the Battle of the Brians, and the Battle of the Carmens, and Liz Manley coming out of nowhere with her cowboy hat. I’m a figure skating fan, obviously.

            I used to think about taking Cricket skating, on a lake, if a rink wouldn’t accept her. I think she would prefer hockey skates to figure skates, so she could do fast stops and flick snow on me. Butterfly would look adorable in a figure skating dress and four little white skates.

"Can I have skates?"

“Can I have skates?”

            This is the first Olympics where I don’t wish I could go in person; most of the time it sounds so exciting, to visit another country, to be there in the stands for the opening ceremonies, and to cheer on my favorite athletes. I love the ideal of nations coming together in peace and sportsmanship. I can feel my heart expanding as I watch the march of the athletes into the stadium. I learn a lot about the cultures of other countries, I learn the names of other countries, and enjoy their fashion choices. But I don’t want to go to Russia.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with stories about Refuseniks, Jews who were not allowed to leave Russia or to practice Judaism freely in Russia. But also, Putin scares me. And Siberia scares me. The extreme cap on free speech, and the ease with which they throw people into prison, scare me.

            But I still love watching the Olympics on TV, whether it’s on time or delayed or taped on my DVR. Somehow they get me to watch ski jumping, and snow boarding, and rhythmic gymnastics, and beach volley ball, for hours. I think I even watched a few minutes of curling last time around.

            I wish my girls could participate in an Olympics. They could have all kinds of events specifically for dogs:

·        The great poopy run – judged like a rhythmic gymnastics routine.

Cricket is in the lead!

Cricket is in the lead!

Look at her go!

Look at her go!

·        The long distance pee trip – a dual test, both of how long can you walk, and how many times can you pee in one walk without refueling.

·        Synchronized peeing, a pairs’ event – two dogs trying to match their stance and the length of the pee at the same time. Butterfly and Cricket have been practicing for this event for months.

Consecutive peeing, it's a start.

Consecutive peeing, it’s a start.

·        The escape from your harness event – how fast, and with what level of ingenuity can you get out of your harness? Cricket is the odds on favorite!

·        The barkathon – endurance, volume, artistry. And then, the group barkathon!

Prepping for the barkathon.

Prepping for the barkathon.

Butterfly's looking to Cricket for lessons.

Butterfly’s looking to Cricket for lessons.

            Wouldn’t a group barkathon be the ultimate way to end the closing ceremonies?

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About rachelmankowitz

I am a fiction writer, a writing coach, and an obsessive chronicler of my dogs' lives.

102 responses »

  1. How adorable they are! Have to agree that the idea of a trip to Russia doesn’t appeal to me either! Love your post.

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  2. I think you’re on to something here.
    I was just wondering. Is there a urine test, before the peeing contest?

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  3. I wish l had the guts to go….

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  4. I would definitely watch Cricket and Butterfly in the Olympics 🙂

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  5. Love it! Yes to everything in this post — starting with Putin, but not overlooking the barkathon!

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  6. My three girls would be contenders in synchronized peeing. They have a little routine that always makes me laugh. Gabi looks for the Perfect Spot, and squats. Then Jojo follows her and carefully pees on Exactly the Same Spot. Finally, Princess comes up and sniffs the Spot, thinking she’s peeing synchronically, but actually she always misses — by a Princess length (a P!)

    Love those silly girls. And I love the way you write about your dogs.

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    • A three dog team! That’s a very impressive accomplishment. Cricket and Butterfly are practicing their mirror peeing, so they can look at each other as they pee. They like to vary their choreography, just to see what works.

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  7. The new one would be perfect for the Olympics. I thought Kenzie was good-he could mark me as I was peeing, but he had an advantage-he was male. Kali is almost as good and wins the woman’s peeing paws down. Who needs synchronized when you’re hitting a live moving target?

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  8. Totally adorable. My Woozle is white, she can be in your team although she’s feline. She does the wall of death once a day too, so can compete.

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  9. Synchronized peeing should be olympic, I agree :o) And I agree with you for Russia. Have a super sunday and yes, skates are a must have for all girls :o)

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  10. Rachel you are so very talented. The barkathon made me laugh out loud. I look forward to reading your blog each week. It’s a way to start my day with a smile 🙂

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  11. you paint such a cite picture of the dog Olympics 🙂

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  12. Great ideas. I think you should start a dog Olympics!

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  13. totally agree with your views on Russia. Russia is SCARY!
    Gosh, cricket and butterfly……..so gorgeous! I had a Lhasa apso just like cricket, male. It passed away after 10 yrs.. Totally a one-man dog…….me! Would bite anybody else, including my sons, who were just babies!

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  14. I like the events, but I don’t like Olympics politics nor the intense drive to win which has led to so many athletes cheating.

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    • It can be overwhelming to watch the kids who don’t live up to their own expectations. I keep wanting to reach in to the TV and give them a hug and tell them, it’s going to be okay. But I don’t think they would believe me.

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  15. You have the cutest dogs. Considering everything, I would not want to be in Russia for the Olympics either.

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  16. I would watch those events!! 8)

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  17. Love this post and agree with everything you stated! The tongue pics are my favorite! Thanks for a great read, Rachel. 🙂

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  18. I’d like to enter the “fetch” contest. See who can bring back the biggest stick.

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    • Oh my goodness! I think that event would be awesome. Cricket would be desperate to keep up with you, and land herself in the doggy hospital tent, wapping herself endlessly with those sticks.

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  19. Putin scares me, actually I think Putin scares a lot of people. As for Siberia, I think of Scotland on a very bad winter’s Day – lasting about six months :o) I am also amazed at how many times during a walk they can pee without refuelling. We could have an event where the dogs chase a cat and points awarded on how they respond when the cat stops running and turns to face them. All controlled, of course, so no one gets hurt.

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    • Well, if we’re adding other animals in to complicate matters, i think there will have to be squirrels, and trees for the squirrels to climb. And then there could be birds overhead, as distraction techniques.

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  20. oh my goodness! Such adorable photo’s and I LOVE this post so much, you’re doggy Olympics events are inspired and are definitely something my three could get their teeth into.
    But we agree with you on two points very strongly – 1) pups in tiny ski boots would be the most adorable thing ever and 2) Russia’s strict rules and Putin are very scary indeed.
    Enjoy the rest of the games!
    Hugs, Carrie (Myfie, Ellie and Millie) x

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  21. Oh yeah! Doggie Olympics would be great! Single event peeing, synchronized pair peeing, etc. And there could be many other events as well…. Cricket and Butterfly would be adorable entrants.

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  22. Your Olympics I would definitely watch!

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  23. I dream to have dog as yours, but life propose other,I just like any of them. alla

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  24. I really enjoyed all of this banter! 🙂 I have been happy to see the Olympic events that I love to watch, (even at 3 a.m. here!) Now I have images in my head of cute dogs participating in the games….at 3 a.m. I’ll probably be seeing said dogs superimposed on the athletes on the screen! Stranger things have happened….
    Fun stuff, you guys!

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  25. Great photos of your dogs as always. And thanks for liking my drawing “Gidget, Again.”

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  26. She is adorable with her tongue out.

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  27. That would be so great, an escape Olympic. My crew would be great at it.

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  28. I think that Cricket and Butterfly should be in their own Olympics 😀

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  29. They are such adorable little dogs.
    A suggestion: the quickest circling event…

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  30. Doggy Olympics would be much more fun than regular Olympics!

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  31. What a brilliant idea! That would be so much fun for Cricket and Butterfly and fun to watch them. I agree I don’t fancy a trip to Russia either. x Great Post..x

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  32. Too fun and cute! My mom’s Chihuahua Fawn used to stand on her front hind legs before peeing. Dogs are so amazing.

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  33. Hi thanks for liking a post and the stories of your babies are so cute. I know about the something close to the pee run. My dog will go outside and get out of his way he wants in from the cold .He’s not one for the cold.either

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  34. may I reblog this for a Thursday Guest Blog spot at betterendingsnow.com? Very cute!

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  35. Bwah!!!! This post is hilarious!!!! That one of Cricket taking off like that…friskers to the max…Best title I’ve read in quite awhile…Have a wonderful rest of the week and tons of treats to Cricket and Butterfly!!!!

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  36. I can’t imagine Jack on ice skates; he is such a little Odie that it would be a disaster lol.

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  37. LOL- Good one, Rachel. Actually we have a Pastor/Professor at our Seminary in Novosibirsk, Siberia for the Lutheran Church there. He wrote an interesting blog post on the freedom of speech being better than we think and better than here in many ways. I will try to FW this to you. I was amazed. As far a Putin goes , well he needs to let someone else run the show now. People have had enough of him. … On the Dog Olympics, there is now a new agility thing on with the Westminster Kennel Club and mutts are allowed to compete. I do think your post here was very funny and imaginative. Maybe you can do something locally with those ideas. With our corgis, we belong to a corgi group and have a picnic each summer. Those type games are played and all have fun. Nothing like about 50+ corgis all enjoying that.

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  38. I laughed and so much more. Thanks to you and the Olym-pee-ads.

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  39. Then there’s the Dog’s Cradle Leg-Weaving Event: how intricate a knot can one dog on one leash weave around that leash-holder’s legs, and how quickly? Bonus marks if the leash-holder actually falls down splat in the process. (Oh, and, thanks for the like on my “March the Trickster” post)

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  40. Ha ha ha…great story!

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